"Home is a place in the mind. When it is empty, it frets. It is fretful with memory, faces and places and times gone by. Beloved images rise up in disobedience and make a mirror for emptiness."
-Maeve Brennan, The Visitor
Well it's been six weeks since I last wrote here. Needless to say I needed the time away to compose myself and collect my thoughts since 2012 ended. The one I love here walked away and I've been trying to put the pieces back together. In some ways I'm relearning how to live here in Austin. Reacquainting myself with a city that I somewhat ignored the past year. I've reconnected with old friends, gone out and tried to have as much fun as possible. Trying to love life again here in this town. But truth be told it's been the most lonely time I've spent since I first moved here two years ago. When I lay my head down at night there is still a huge void in my life. I'm still trying to find that happy place...I'm still trying to find my way back home.
Home is a funny word when you think about it. It means so much more than a physical place. To me it means more about a feeling of comfort, familiarity and being loved. For the first year here in Austin I struggled to find that feeling. I made some friends, partied on 6th Street, Red River and the countless other drinking spots. Had brunch, went swimming, caught movies at the Alamo Drafthouse and did the so many Austin activities that define this place. I even met a couple girls during the process who were amazing people. But I never confused having fun with a sense of belonging. In some ways the whole experience felt more like a long vacation of sorts. It really wasn't until I met her that I had that feeling that we all crave. Life just felt different after that. I felt like I was apart of something and somebody. I felt loved, appreciated and important here in Austin. Life just started to click more for me here in all aspects. She in a sense became my home...my happy place. I looked forward to the week to week routine that became our life last year. It didn't really matter where we were or what we were doing...it just felt like I belonged. It was a wonderful feeling.
So I am in a way back to where I started. Trying to get out, make new friends and that whole bit. I've gone to Super Bowl parties, free keggers and drunken birthday get togethers. Life isn't over and it will get better. But for now it just ain't quite the same. I miss my home in more ways than one. I hope to find that feeling again. So I'm going to keep it brief and leave on that note. Until next time...